Looking for a good copywriter

_______________________________
"Tina - AffordableHOST, Inc." <tina.TakeThisOut@affordablehost.com> wrote in message
news:10ggi7jbh65r0a3@corp.supernews.com...
 >
 >
 > "David" <misc.TakeThisOut@forgetmenotjewelry.com> wrote in message
 > news:SHXNc.75$2T3.112050@news.uswest.net...
  > > Hi,
  > >
  > > I am looking for a good copywriter who can re-write the front page for
our
  > > website (see signature). I am looking for a copywriter who writes to
sell
  > > and one whose copy is search engine friendly.
  > >
  > > If you can help me out, please contact me. You can use the contact form
 > on
  > > our website.
 >
 >
 > Your "about us" page is more "home page" worthy than the text that is on
 > there now.\
 >
 > You could do away with the "about us" page altogether. Move the text to
the
 > main page and the contact information to the contact page.



Thanks for the critique.
--
_______________________________
<a style='text-decoration: underline;' href="http://www.forgetmenotjewelry.com/" target="_blank">http://www.forgetmenotjewelry.com/</a>
Offers untreated Yogo sapphire jewelry
fashioned after the Forget Me Not flower.<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->
 >> Stay informed about: Looking for a good copywriter 

On Wed, 28 Jul 2004 17:44:01 -0700, "David"
<misc.TakeThisOut@forgetmenotjewelry.com> wrote:

 >Hi,
 >
 >I am looking for a good copywriter who can re-write the front page for our
 >website (see signature). I am looking for a copywriter who writes to sell
 >and one whose copy is search engine friendly.
 >
 >If you can help me out, please contact me. You can use the contact form on
 >our website.
 >
 >David

Here's a couple of tips, dude.

Look at this:

"Flower jewelry is very popular among young women who love small
delicate flower jewelry."

It's a tautology. "[This thing] is very popular among [people] who
love [this thing]". Do you see? It's like, dur.

Telling people what they love is not a good sales technique. "Young
women" don't want to be told what they love. They know what they love.

So you say "if you love small flower jewely, you'll love this" or
similar.

In any case, you've alienated your female audience by suggesting to
guys that they might buy one for a woman they're dumping.

Anyway, you don't need to sell on your front page. Not directly.
People who visit are going to be interested, or willing to be enticed.

You need *bigger pictures*, *more information* about what makes the
jewelry special (more of where it's from, what distinguishes it from
other jewelry, what it costs, not "you're going to love it, it's
lovely"). You don't need too much stuff on the front page. People will
click through if it's just one click and not a merry dance.

Zen<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->
 >> Stay informed about: Looking for a good copywriter 

Dr Zen wrote:

 > On Wed, 28 Jul 2004 17:44:01 -0700, "David"
 > <misc DeleteThis @forgetmenotjewelry.com> wrote:
 >
  >>Hi,
  >>
  >>I am looking for a good copywriter who can re-write the front page for
  >>our website (see signature). I am looking for a copywriter who writes
  >>to sell and one whose copy is search engine friendly.
  >>
  >>If you can help me out, please contact me. You can use the contact
  >>form on our website.
  >>
  >>David
 >
 > Here's a couple of tips, dude.

Here's another.

An old marketing saying:

"Sell the sizzle not the steak."

In other words sell what the product does, not what it is, eg:

"Dewdrop shampoo contains xactothean 3"

This means nothing to the prospect, however:

"Dewdrop shampoo makes your hair soft and shiny." Is a different thing
altogether.

The key word is "benefit". How does the prospect benefit? What's in it
for them?

In this case, the prospect doesn't want xactothean 3, she wants soft and
shiny hair.

Another good tip is to address the customer, not yourself.

Don't say "we, our" say "you, your".

In other words, don't make the copy all about yourself, make it all about
how the prospect is going to benefit, and what he is going to get.

--
Charles Sweeney
<a style='text-decoration: underline;' href="http://CharlesSweeney.com" target="_blank">http://CharlesSweeney.com</a><!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->
 >> Stay informed about: Looking for a good copywriter 

in post: <news:SHXNc.75$2T3.112050@news.uswest.net>
David <misc.RemoveThis@forgetmenotjewelry.com> said:

 > I am looking for a good copywriter

<a style='text-decoration: underline;' href="http://granatedit.com/" target="_blank">http://granatedit.com/</a>

--
i h e a r v o i c e s<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->
 >> Stay informed about: Looking for a good copywriter 

On Thu, 29 Jul 2004 12:52:09 +1000, brucie <shit RemoveThis @usenetshit.info>
wrote:

 >in post: <news:SHXNc.75$2T3.112050@news.uswest.net>
 >David <misc RemoveThis @forgetmenotjewelry.com> said:
 >
  >> I am looking for a good copywriter
 >
 >http://granatedit.com/

Nice website. I'm impressed that unlike most so-called editors you
seem to have actually edited your own site (very competently, too).

I have to ask, though. There's only one of you, right? You're not
suffering from bipolar disorder or anything like that.

So why call yourself "we"? It's demented. Your skills are tradeable
because you personally have them. Pretending you're a company of
motley editors is silly.

Zen<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->
 >> Stay informed about: Looking for a good copywriter 

In article <q8ghg0hcq2t7179o2inu3p9a6i7a4ee5re DeleteThis @4ax.com>,
Dr Zen <gollyg DeleteThis @hotmail.com> concluded (among jumps):

 > I have to ask, though. There's only one of you, right? You're not
 > suffering from bipolar disorder or anything like that.

New here...eh?

Audry
--
Truth is not determined by majority vote. --Doug Gwyn

--
tawdry glamour who is at smile global dot com<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->
 >> Stay informed about: Looking for a good copywriter 

in post: <news:q8ghg0hcq2t7179o2inu3p9a6i7a4ee5re@4ax.com>
Dr Zen <gollyg.TakeThisOut@hotmail.com> said:

  >>http://granatedit.com/

 > Nice website.

its not mine. the OP asked for a good copy editor but the only one i
know is an excellent copy editor so i gave the URL anyway.

 > I'm impressed that unlike most so-called editors you
 > seem to have actually edited your own site (very competently, too).

i didn't edit it as its not my site

 > I have to ask, though. There's only one of you, right?

there can be only one brucie

 > You're not suffering from bipolar disorder or anything like that.

among other things i am a manic depressive. its very difficult to live
with.

 > So why call yourself "we"?

its a royal we

 > It's demented.

we must have met before

 > Your skills are tradeable because you personally have them.

they're not my skills and its not my site.

 > Pretending you're a company of motley editors is silly.

the little voices would disagree


--
i h e a r v o i c e s<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->
 >> Stay informed about: Looking for a good copywriter 

T. Audry Glamour wrote:
 > In article <q8ghg0hcq2t7179o2inu3p9a6i7a4ee5re.RemoveThis@4ax.com>,
 > Dr Zen <gollyg.RemoveThis@hotmail.com> concluded (among jumps):
 >
  >> I have to ask, though. There's only one of you, right? You're not
  >> suffering from bipolar disorder or anything like that.
 >
 > New here...eh?
 >

LOL - it (er) sticks out like a sore thumb - as they say ;o)


--
William Tasso
Recommended reading ...
<a style='text-decoration: underline;' href="http://www.catb.org/~esr/faqs/smart-questions.html" target="_blank">http://www.catb.org/~esr/faqs/smart-questions.html</a>
<a style='text-decoration: underline;' href="http://www.aww-faq.org/" target="_blank">http://www.aww-faq.org/</a><!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->
 >> Stay informed about: Looking for a good copywriter 

On Thu, 29 Jul 2004 11:07:30 -0700, "T. Audry Glamour"
<tawdryglamour DeleteThis @yahoo.com> wrote:

 >In article <q8ghg0hcq2t7179o2inu3p9a6i7a4ee5re DeleteThis @4ax.com>,
 > Dr Zen <gollyg DeleteThis @hotmail.com> concluded (among jumps):
 >
  >> I have to ask, though. There's only one of you, right? You're not
  >> suffering from bipolar disorder or anything like that.
 >
 >New here...eh?

No, you're posting in my group. I don't know why. I didn't invite you
and you're making the place untidy.

Zen<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->
 >> Stay informed about: Looking for a good copywriter 

In article <b0uig0d51gd55ag9di4bq83s3c4kbca8ov.TakeThisOut@4ax.com>,
Dr Zen <gollyg.TakeThisOut@hotmail.com> wrote:

 > No, you're posting in my group. I don't know why. I didn't invite you
 > and you're making the place untidy.
 >
 > Zen

Waitaminnit! That's brucie's line.

Say, has anyone seen this supposed "Dr Zen" and brucie at the same
time...?

Though brucie's other personalities tend to be much more interesting.

Audry

--
tawdry glamour who is at smile global dot com<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->
 >> Stay informed about: Looking for a good copywriter 

In article <b0uig0d51gd55ag9di4bq83s3c4kbca8ov RemoveThis @4ax.com>,
Dr Zen <gollyg RemoveThis @hotmail.com> wrote:

 > No, you're posting in my group. I don't know why. I didn't invite you
 > and you're making the place untidy.

Newsgroups: alt.creative.writing, alt.writing, alt.www.webmaster

We were invited by the OP. Complain to him.

Audry

--
tawdry glamour who is at smile global dot com<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->
 >> Stay informed about: Looking for a good copywriter 

Dr.Zen wrote:
: > No, you're posting in my group. I don't know why. I didn't invite you
: > and you're making the place untidy.

"T. Audry Glamour" asked::
: Waitaminnit! That's brucie's line.

: Say, has anyone seen this supposed "Dr Zen" and brucie at the same
: time...?

"Dr Zen" has been a regular in writing groups for years. Brucie's a
long-time regular in AWW. The confusion (entertainment) is because this
thread is cross-posted.

: Though brucie's other personalities tend to be much more interesting.

I wish he'd post a photo of one of him. You'd think he'd want to warn us.


Lois
 >> Stay informed about: Looking for a good copywriter 

On Thu, 29 Jul 2004 19:36:26 +1000, brucie <shit.DeleteThis@usenetshit.info>
wrote:

 >in post: <news:q8ghg0hcq2t7179o2inu3p9a6i7a4ee5re@4ax.com>
 >Dr Zen <gollyg.DeleteThis@hotmail.com> said:
 >
   >>>http://granatedit.com/
 >
  >> Nice website.
 >
 >its not mine.

No, my apologies. I didn't recognise you at first as a shill. It's the
ugly dwarf disguise. It's not good for sales, you know.

Zen<!-- ~MESSAGE_AFTER~ -->
 >> Stay informed about: Looking for a good copywriter